September 01, 2008
Out of Sadness … A New Year
Awaiting me this bright, sunny morning on the first day of both the English and Hebrew calendar, was an email from my dear friend Phyllis Heimowitz in Israel. Phyllis, along with her daughter Tamar,(and now joined by Rena Cohen who has helped expand their work in unimaginable ways) are the founders of The Amuta (Non-Profit) for the Emotional Support of Girlfriends and Fiancees of Fallen Soldiers of the IDF. It was the Heimowitz’s personal tragedy that led them to establish this innovative and critically important group which provides emotional (as well as occasional financial support) to women (and occasional men) who have lost their loved one in an IDF-related incident. The emotional support comes in the form of weekly group therapy, individual therapy as well as shared social engagements where the unique bonds that join each of these bereaved people are strengthened. Prior to the establishment of the group, the Israeli government did not identify anyone other than a family member as a legitimate survivor and critical services such as counseling or even recognition, were not available. Today, the Amuta provides the support services and receives some funding from the government to help them with their work. Perhaps, more important though, has been the radical change in attitude that has come about because of the group’s efforts. The girlfriend or fiancee is recognized by Israeli society as a legitimate mourner and survivor. Their loss is no longer dismissed as insignificant or unimportant. Their pain is real and with the support groups offered by the Amuta they can eventually deal with their pain and hopefully find love and happiness once again.
Along with some personal exchanges, Phyllis shared the following which says so much about the importance of their work:
On Friday, we had a magnificent get together of the bereaved girlfriends. It was such a special time. Naomi, there in the quaint restaurant, we celebrated that THREE of the bereaved girlfriends are getting married this month!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a joy. What an accomplishment. What a miracle. I am positive that we all….had a part in this. We stood by them. We picked them up when they were totally and completely broken and helped to put them back together, piece by piece. We enabled them to mourn as they should. We encouraged them all along the way and most of all we loved them and will love them forever.
One of the girlfriends who is getting married this month is Suzie, an American girl who met her boyfriend Tziki in Thailand, when he was on vacation there and she was working for the Peace Corps in a small village in Thailand. Their love was deep and crushed when Tziki went to serve in the reserves in Israel. During his service near Hebron, a Palestinian driver tried to run him over. Tziki’s soldiers shot the driver in an attempt to save Tziki, but one of our bullets hit Tziki and he was killed.
Suzie told me that "even in his death, he provided me with my future." Those were the words she used. She came to Israel, underwent an Orthodox Jewish conversion and is marrying a wonderful young man from England whom she met in the ulpan. Our Suzie… We will fly to that wedding…
Today is the first of Elul-the month in which we celebrate a new year and the promise and hope that it brings. What better message to get in an email on this particular day?
